Thursday, December 29, 2005

bendakaluru

Lashkar e Tayiba (LET) is supposedly responsible for the attack in Bangalore. What happened yesterday in what was once a sleepy town is scary and downright disturbing. My Bangalore, my beautiful serene Bangalore. I don’t even know when something like this ever happened in the past. I agree that there doesn’t exist a serene and peaceful atmosphere anywhere on this earth but this has come as a shock. I was reading this article on SIFY about there being a movement to unite Muslims in southern India and northern India and at liberate them from India. It is damn scary when you even think of it.
Something has to be done soon. Violence is not the answer to the situation. I don’t understand why the Muslims in India would be unhappy in the first place. Everyone more or less has a fair playing field in the economic sense and the middle class in urban areas are getting where they want to be not by their religious background but by their own hard work. I firmly believe in my mind that India is a truly secular country where different religions can exist in harmony. Indians have to get together and set common goals to see to it that they live in harmony and develop economically. We cannot step back as a nation. We are on the right track. We cannot be led by fundamentalist pigs who have no bigger pictures and who are willing to pull down people with them into quicksand and shit. We all have to unite together and be the better people that we always have been.
I can live in peace with a White, African American, Hindu, Muslim, Christian or Buddhist. I don’t even feel the difference. The solution lies with all of us collectively having a balanced view of the situation and spreading the love. Please don’t tear my country apart.
I might be over reacting to things but I have a bad feeling that something is snowballing somewhere. Hopefully the Bangalore incident was a stray one. Musharraf, don’t let me down. Control your people. I know for a fact that you are trying to make things better.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

The god of small things and shit.

Life seems a blur right now. Everything is rushing by me. There is a disconnect with the situation. With my place and time on this earth. Don’t know why. There seems to be no purpose to life. Consumed by an addiction to watching a sport. Too much of anything is too bad. Your eye is off the ball. There is no focus on anything. Like a lifeless soul on the move. Things could be worse. Have to get a job that concentrates on not getting other people rich. Have to get something that concentrates on getting me rich both spiritually and materialistically. Just another useless soul occupying space on this earth. No way. No fucking way that this can become the theme to my life.
Have to lift my partner and myself to a different level. Be better people. Give weight to the right subjects. Keep the bigger picture in mind and not sweat the small things. Be kind, generous and loving. Be full of enthusiasm. Banish addictions from life. Banish alcohol and lethargy. Let the mind be a squeaky clean temple. Bring back music. Let it dominate my life and bring only good thoughts. Spread the cheer and cut the cynicism. Trust and be transparent. Create an aura of love. Remember Jimmy V and his philosophy. Get a philosophy. I don’t have one.
Get out of here. Shake the tree. Get some guts. Don’t be stupid but do it right. Don’t sweat it. You live once, make it right. Don’t say the wrong things. It is tough to always say the right things. Think before you speak. It is again easy to say that. We always can’t think before we speak. Life is full of reactions. There is no right or wrong reaction. Too many intangibles. Try to stay in control of the tangibles. Be pure. Stand for what you believe in. Don’t step back. Don’t tire yourself out. Trust and love. Have the warm fuzzy feeling about life. It is a tall order. Play it right. It is pretty simple. Don’t lose your temper over trivial issues. Can communicate without losing temper. Get a hold of insecurities. No one is going to run away with your life and with the way it is, there is nothing much to it anyway. Keep it cool and keep the mind clear. Don’t smirk at whatever you have just written as it just undermines whatever you are trying to do.
I have no clue why I have this title on this post.

Carpe Diem

Monday, December 19, 2005

Blogs i read daily

I read these almost everyday. Some make me laugh and some make me cry, some make me think. I know most of these people on a personal basis.

First on my list everyday.

Www.curiousgawker.blogspot.com

I was the first to fart in his car about 6 years ago. We don’t talk much but we have stayed in touch over the years. We had some good fun when we were single. Now fun always involved alcohol and driving. We never did this together though. We didn’t drink and drive. We drove and then drank though.
Anyway, I see to it that I read both his blogs everyday. He is a psychotic genius.

And then I read all the following in no particular order.

Www.liveforcars.blogspot.com

He is a friend of my wife. I like the way he writes. He has a deep sense of emotions and place.


Www.whattodowithlife.blogspot.com

My cousin. He used to write pretty often in the past but has been busy off late getting ready to go b school and all. He is a good, intelligent and passionate being. Innocent and clean at heart. His blogs reflect his characteristics


Www.iyeruptheladder.blogspot.com

I have no idea who this kid is but i read her work everyday. She seems to be intelligent and has that iyer streak in her. I have just started following her for the past 2 weeks. Hopefully she keeps writing.

Www.blogpourri.blogspot.com
A good compact writer. I liked her short stories. She is in Bangalore and seems to have a good perspective to things. I got to her through curious gawkers blog.

And I will start reading my good old mates stuff from now on as I just managed to locate the blog

Www.pmlcharlie.blogspot.com

We met while I was doing my masters. He was this ex army guy, journalist et all and we had a great time together. We spent a lot of time over numerous beers. We spoke about helping the world. We had many a plans lined out to help Africa. Alas, i walked into the world of business and he went off to India. He did come back but I had lost my way by then. I intend to help the world at some point of time. I intend to get that passion back. Anyway, our man right now lives in a small town by the ocean and I think he should write more.


I wish my wife wrote more regularly. She is actually a great writer. I have always felt that i write better than her but the truth is that she has a better command of the language and when she has to write about something in particular she actually ends up doing a great job.She really isnt into blogging though.

Oh yeah i forgot.
I read gaurav sabnis. The guy is like an elite player in the blog market and usually writes about stuff that interests me.

www.gauravsabnis.blogspot.com

I also do end up stumbling onto other blogs whenever I have the time.

Another friend who blogs

I have an old friend of mine who blogs. I introduced him to India and it seems to have made quite an impact on him. I have always told him that he was an indian stuck in a white mans body.He writes once in a while.


www.pmlcharlie.blogspot.com

Of stubbles, movies, smoking and prejudice

Trying not to be prejudiced against my own people. Am doing pretty good with that.
Did you know that Mauritius has a huge population of Indians? They migrated at least a hundred years ago. They have a profound sense of religion. I met a large contingent in the late 90s. They were in Lusaka (Zambia) as a part of the Bhajan Sammelan. They were a happy lot. We had a fabulous time. They invited me over to visit the beautiful Mauritius. This weekend, I watched a very well -made movie. “Dil Jo Bhi kahey”.For once, a bloody realistic movie. Emotions well placed, realistically taken with people speaking English where needed and speaking Hindi where needed. I picked the movie up at my local Indian store. I had seen it as a promo on AVS but just stumbled upon the movie itself on Saturday. The beautiful Annabelle Wallace plays the lead. Now, I have no clue who she is but she is absolutely gorgeous and has done her part well. The great Amitabh plays his role to the tee by delivering some well-written dialogues. The hero of the movie, Karan Sharma might never act in a movie again. He is the only so-so guy in a good movie which was directed by his father. I just googled the movie and found that not many people have good things to say about it. Screw em, I like the movie and I liked the feeling. The sugar cane fields, the beautiful sea and greenery all over. If you like to watch a movie with subtle emotions and good values, watch this. This movie is certainly not for the masses.
Now let me get back to what I was saying. I am improving with my attitude towards my own people. I try not to look down upon some of my own countrymen. There need to be a couple of changes made though. Indians need to groom themselves on a regular basis. Indian men need to know that growing a stubble is always not cool. They need to shave. Men from the southern part of India more so from Andhra and Tamil Nadu need to shave on a regular basis. If you watch Tamil and Telugu movies, you will realize where they get their look from. All if not most Tamil and Telugu heroes have a stubble and smoke all the bloody time. They have to smoke on the bike, in the train and on the streets. I am appalled with the logic behind this. Basically, you are telling every freaking kid that is watching your movie that it is ok to smoke. Now you have impressionable kids watching you and puffing away and getting hooked to the damn habit. I am happy that they have decided to censor all Indian movies and not let people smoke on screen. It will certainly help these young kids and not let them get influenced by their so-called heroes. South Indians need to shave. Most of us are on the darker side anyway and growing a dirty stubble really doesn’t help.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

something from nothing to nothing

i have spent the majority of the day working on a deal which would make us good money.Was trying to make something out of nothing which turned out to be nothing in the end. The whole day.Business- cant lay your hands on it.It is like a cloud out there.You are basically trying to buy and sell a cloud.You have no control over it and an infinite number of things might go wrong.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

The Fallen King

I never thought I would actually say this. I feel bad for Ganguly. I feel that it is unfair to him and the system stinks. It defies logic. We won the game, the guy was involved in some decent partnerships. It just doesn’t make sense. Sharad Pawar said that Ganguly would be treated fairly.
This isn’t fair. It gives you a snapshot of things to come. People will be treated like crap and discarded as per the whims and the fancies of the BCCI. There is no transparency in their governance and the same story with a different scoundrel to run the show. It was Dalmiya earlier and now it is Pawar. Same shit, different day.
Ganguly surely deserves to be treated better. He demands respect by virtue of what he has provided to the Indian team. This amazing logic defying step is what I would expect of these BCCI fellows anyway. Anything less than this would surprise me. If they actually wanted to get rid of him, they should have never selected him in the first place. He hasn’t been a given a fair run and it is despicable that he has to leave like this.
Hopefully, he will get another chance. Ganguly feels disgraced right now with his confidence taking a flogging. It gives me a feeling that Sharad Pawar wanted to cut down Ganguly to size and then throw him aside like a rag. People have to be held accountable no matter what and someone better step up to the plate now and question Pawar and Co. If you don’t question these guys, they will continue with their merry ways and treat the Indian cricket team like their father’s inheritance.

My fantasy BCCI Board

Ravi Shastri
Sunil Gavaskar
Gundappa Viswanath
MAK Pataudi
Javagal Srinath

All the above guys will be paid members of the board. They will handle cricket as a commodity. All these guys mentioned above are articulate, educated and are proven winners. They have played cricket and have contributed over a long period of time. They are respected and know what a leather ball feels like when it hits you.

As for the selectors, I would still stick to the regional breakdown and would try my best to get the no bull kind of guys. Screw Kiran More. I sometimes think that he actually took the money from Abhijit kale.

North- Mr Kapil Dev
East- Mr Mohinder Amarnath
South- Mr Venkatesh Prasad
West- No Clue

Now I have used Mr because I have immense respect for these guys. They are no nonsense good guys who in my mind will be impartial and will always pick the right people for the right reasons. They have over the years shown their integrity on the playing field.
Right now the BCCI is just another government type controlled system with a screwed up hierarchy. Pawar brings fear, old school intimidation into the board. Dissolve the damn board, bring in new parameters and create new posts. Only players should be eligible and you can sieve three fourth of the crap out with that clause.
I am dreaming. Slap me.

bangalore

I have always felt that kannadigas are little less fanatical than other Indians. Alas, i was wrong. They are going to change the name of my city from bangalore to bengaluru.Freaking nut jobs. For what? What exactly is the point?
I fail to understand the logic behind ruining the names of towns. Madras sounds dandy to me and so does bombay. You can change and do whatever the hell you want, i will call them as they were.
People collectively should ignore these new names and act like things never changed.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Jimmy V

Last night I was watching the Michigan State Vs BC game. They were playing each other in the Jimmy V classic series. Every year four elite teams in the NCAA match up and duke it out. This is in memory of the great Jimmy Valvano who died in 1993 of cancer. He was 47 years old.

I do not know much about his impact on time at that point of time. I know his impact on life now. Before the game yesterday, ESPN played the recording of the ESPY awards speech that he gave in 93 when he was dying. I cried. I cried because of what I saw. Here we have a man who is dying and it was amazing how he spoke. Below is a text of the speech. When heard, it is inspirational and touching. It reminds us of what we lack in our daily lives. It reminds us to stop the nonsense. It reminds us to be thankful.

Below is the text of the speech. This man was dying when he made the speech to the world.

” Thank you, Thank you very much. Thank you. That's the lowest I've ever seen Dick Vitale since the owner of the Detroit Pistons called him in and told him he should go into broadcasting.
I can't tell you what an honor it is, to even be mentioned in the same breath with Arthur Ashe. This is something I certainly will treasure forever. But, as it was said on the tape, and I also don't have one of those things going with the cue cards, so I'm going to speak longer than anybody else has spoken tonight. That's the way it goes. Time is very precious to me. I don't know how much I have left and I have some things that I would like to say. Hopefully, at the end, I will have said something that will be important to other people too.
But, I can't help it. Now I'm fighting cancer, everybody knows that. People ask me all the time about how you go through your life and how's your day, and nothing is changed for me. As Dick said, I'm a very emotional and passionate man. I can't help it. That's being the son of Rocco and Angelina Valvano. It comes with the territory. We hug, we kiss, we love. When people say to me how do you get through life or each day, it's the same thing. To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. Number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special.
I rode on the plane up today with Mike Krzyzewski, my good friend and wonderful coach. People don't realize he's ten times a better person than he is a coach, and we know he's a great coach. He's meant a lot to me in these last five or six months with my battle. But when I look at Mike, I think, we competed against each other as players. I coached against him for fifteen years, and I always have to think about what's important in life to me are these three things. Where you started, where you are and where you're going to be. Those are the three things that I try to do every day. When I think about getting up and giving a speech, I can't help it. I have to remember the first speech I ever gave.
I was coaching at Rutgers University, that was my first job, oh that's wonderful (reaction to applause), and I was the freshman coach. That's when freshmen played on freshman teams, and I was so fired up about my first job. I see Lou Holtz here. Coach Holtz, who doesn't like the very first job you had? The very first time you stood in the locker room to give a pep talk. That's a special place, the locker room, for a coach to give a talk. So my idol as a coach was Vince Lombardi, and I read this book called "Commitment To Excellence" by Vince Lombardi. And in the book, Lombardi talked about the fist time he spoke before his Green Bay Packers team in the locker room, and they were perennial losers. I'm reading this and Lombardi said he was thinking should it be a long talk, or a short talk? But he wanted it to be emotional, so it would be brief. So here's what I did. Normally you get in the locker room, I don't know, twenty-five minutes, a half hour before the team takes the field, you do your little x and o's, and then you give the great Knute Rockne talk. We all do. Speech number eight-four. You pull them right out, you get ready. You get your squad ready. Well, this is the first one I ever gave and I read this thing. Lombardi, what he said was he didn't go in, he waited. His team wondering, where is he? Where is this great coach? He's not there. Ten minutes he's still not there. Three minutes before they could take the field Lombardi comes in, bangs the door open, and I think you all remember what great presence he had, great presence. He walked in and he walked back and forth, like this, just walked, staring at the players. He said, "All eyes on me." I'm reading this in this book. I'm getting this picture of Lombardi before his first game and he said "Gentlemen, we will be successful this year, if you can focus on three things, and three things only. Your family, your religion and the Green Bay Packers." They knocked the walls down and the rest was history. I said, that's beautiful. I'm going to do that. Your family, your religion and Rutgers basketball. That's it. I had it. Listen, I'm twenty-one years old. The kids I'm coaching are nineteen, and I'm going to be the greatest coach in the world, the next Lombardi. I'm practicing outside of the locker room and the managers tell me you got to go in. Not yet, not yet, family, religion, Rutgers Basketball. All eyes on me. I got it, I got it. Then finally he said, three minutes, I said fine. True story. I go to knock the doors open just like Lombardi. Boom! They don't open. I almost broke my arm. Now I was down, the players were looking. Help the coach out, help him out. Now I did like Lombardi, I walked back and forth, and I was going like that with my arm getting the feeling back in it. Finally I said, "Gentlemen, all eyes on me." These kids wanted to play, they're nineteen. "Let's go," I said. "Gentlemen, we'll be successful this year if you can focus on three things, and three things only. Your family, your religion and the Green Bay Packers," I told them. I did that. I remember that. I remember where I came from.
It's so important to know where you are. I know where I am right now. How do you go from where you are to where you want to be? I think you have to have an enthusiasm for life. You have to have a dream, a goal. You have to be willing to work for it.
I talked about my family, my family's so important. People think I have courage. The courage in my family are my wife Pam, my three daughters, here, Nicole, Jamie, LeeAnn, my mom, who's right here too. That screen is flashing up there thirty seconds like I care about that screen right now, huh? I got tumors all over my body. I'm worried about some guy in the back going thirty seconds? You got a lot, hey va fa napoli, buddy. You got a lot.
I just got one last thing, I urge all of you, all of you, to enjoy your life, the precious moments you have. To spend each day with some laughter and some thought, to get you're emotions going. To be enthusiastic every day and as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Nothing great could be accomplished without enthusiasm," to keep your dreams alive in spite of problems whatever you have. The ability to be able to work hard for your dreams to come true, to become a reality.
Now I look at where I am now and I know what I want to do. What I would like to be able to do is spend whatever time I have left and to give, and maybe, some hope to others. Arthur Ashe Foundation is a wonderful thing, and AIDS, the amount of money pouring in for AIDS is not enough, but is significant. But if I told you it's ten times the amount that goes in for cancer research. I also told you that five hundred thousand people will die this year of cancer. I also tell you that one in every four will be afflicted with this disease, and yet somehow, we seem to have put it in a little bit of the background. I want to bring it back on the front table. We need your help. I need your help. We need money for research. It may not save my life. It may save my children's lives. It may save someone you love. And ESPN has been so kind to support me in this endeavor and allow me to announce tonight, that with ESPN's support, which means what? Their money and their dollars and they're helping me-we are starting the Jimmy V Foundation for Cancer Research. And it's motto is "Don't give up, don't ever give up." That's what I'm going to try to do every minute that I have left. I will thank God for the day and the moment I have. If you see me, smile and give me a hug. That's important to me too. But try if you can to support, whether it's AIDS or the cancer foundation, so that someone else might survive, might prosper and might actually be cured of this dreaded disease. I can't thank ESPN enough for allowing this to happen. I'm going to work as hard as I can for cancer research and hopefully, maybe, we'll have some cures and some breakthroughs. I'd like to think, I'm going to fight my brains out to be back here again next year for the Arthur Ashe recipient. I want to give it next year!
I know, I gotta go, I gotta go, and I got one last thing and I said it before, and I want to say it again. Cancer can take away all my physical abilities. It cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my heart and it cannot touch my soul. And those three things are going to carry on forever.
I thank you and God bless you all.”

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The Urge

The urge to write something intelligent. The urge to write something creative. The urge to write something deep. The urge to write something that is so deep that it is incomprehensible the first time someone reads it. I can’t write such shit.
The urge to write funny, the urge to write philosophical. The urge to write witty, the urge to write dark. I can’t write such shit.
I am actually a plain Jane when it comes to writing. Just like my life, i am as ordinary as they come.
Do you know that as you grow older you realize that your shit stinks too?

blah

I haven’t written in a while. I don’t seem to have the drive to do so. Fully reflects my state of mind. Have been busy moving. I am living by myself in my 2 bedroom looking at my huge empty living room, I really don’t know what to do. I don’t know how people manage to decorate their houses just the right way and make it look like a house. I have a blank and stupid look when I try to picture a setting where everything looks good. I really cant. I have a beanbag lying in one corner of the room and I have a TV right in front of that. That’s it. My living is bare as a playground. My bedroom has my bed frame lying around the mattress. The other bedroom looks like a luggage warehouse with stuff sprawled all over the floor. It is pretty overwhelming. I am in my apartment, which doesn’t have any furniture. The good part is that I am happy I can run around the apartment like a maniac and not run into anything. I did that yesterday. I danced all over the apartment and did not run into anything. I am 28.
Hardwood floors are nice as far as you can keep them clean. I have to keep them clean and that’s the problem. I am trying to keep them clean. I have lived there a full 4 days and I am busy trying to keep it the way i found it a few days ago.
The other day i realized something. For all my vanity and shit, I can live with basically nothing. I can sleep on a sleeping bag and eat simple stuff. All I need is an AC or a fan that makes some noise. If the noise is there, I get sleep pretty easily.

I am excited about the future. For the next 3 weeks I shall live like a fakir and then my wife will be here. She has instructed me to lay off regarding furniture and all the required appendages and I shall dutifully do so. More power to her
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