The Hole

It is funny. The older you get the more dug up in a hole you are. Your life is stereotypical and your pattern predictable. It actually stinks. For a person who is struggling hard in life, you feel like throwing it all away, feel like showing the middle finger and walking into your own world. One is bound by so much of bull shit that it is sickening. Lets face it, most of us are stuck in some good damn mode if life and we dont even have the answers. I sit back and rack my brains and wonder what i did wrong and then i realize that i did a lot of things wrong. Didnt educate myself in the true sense when i had to and then got caught up with my very own devils. I am a bitter man for the time being. I will feel better in an hour or sometime tomorrow. It is all about emotions. Your reaction to emotions takes you through the next path in life. In this fast paced world that we are, choices seem to be of ultimate importance. Choices to acheive harmony within one self and with the damn world. I wish we were animals and not so high up the food chain where social norms have to fulfilled for us to feel complete. I wish that we sometimes did not have a reason to acheive materialistically or more so did not ever have to have the feeling to do so. This whole rotten systems stinks like a shit hole on fire. I am spewing venom right now and am rightfully doing so. Why the hell should i be the nice guy who is trying to make the world look at me like i am a baby born in milk and draped in sateen sheets from head to toe. I want to be free. I want to be free of this bullshit that involves living life the way everyone does. Man made rules and man made everthing under the god damn sun. As i keep writing this piece, the rational optimistic side of me is slowly resurfacing and my bitterness seems to be disappearing. I am a weak idiot stuck in a world where my main aim is to struggle and be a whore to destiny, fate and of couse people and their evil demands. I abhor what i feel right now.
I feel that one of the main reasons i hate the system is that i havent succeeded in this damn system. I wish i could learn to play life and take it exactly where i want to be. I am mediocre in my efforts . Enough of this shit for the night. Things will probably change and i will probably have better things to talk about.
The paradox of the situation is that one of the main reasons for my unhappiness is my lack of success vis a vie moolah. I want to have god damn money and i want to do well. I want to enough money to be satisfied. They say it is never enough, but screw them. I know what is enough for me and i want that for myself. I abhor this system anyways. All i am asking for is to atleast get what i deserve.